Armageddon in Malvern and beyond
The Spring Garden Show at Malvern has
become a favourite in my calendar. The
location is wonderful, nestling at the foot of the Malvern Hills with superb
views in every direction. The site
itself is spacious with plenty of room for everyone to spread a little and
there is so much to see and do. My own
pitch must be one of the nicest with my back to the Learning Garden - a
permanent walled garden run for people with learning difficulties and an avenue
of white cherry blossom trees running alongside. Plenty of room for me and all my stuff. The new lorry painting could be seen to great
advantage and provoked much interest. I
almost offered guided tours. Something I
might do at some point in the future.
People love to have a good nose into other people’s living spaces and
mine is, to say the least, a bit different.
I could offer tea, cakes and close up magic, with a little Alexander
life story thrown in. Some people might even pay for that. The shows went wonderfully and I found a new gag about Bow tie shops on my impro about real bow ties. Ties R Us. I thought it was funny. It was followed up by my other retail outlet joke - Where do Goths shop? ArGoth. Probably not enough to give up the day job yet, but quite good I thought.
And the weather on Saturday was
perfect. A superb spring day all
round. That is until about 7.00 after
most people had gone, I’d walked the dogs and tidied up, settling in for a
night of relaxation and catchup tv. Then
it happened. The severest thunderstorm
I’ve ever experienced in the lorry. It
went on for at least an hour, the thunder and lightning hitting simultaneously,
and more rain and wind than anyone could cope with. The dogs, especially Blue, were terrified and
cowered in a corner. Within minutes, there were various lorry leaks I had to deal
with. The lorry awning was buffeted dangerously and just about managed to stay
pinned down. Everything was flying round the site with people obviously
suffering from only having flimsy canvas shelters. All you could do was sit it
out and contemplate the end of the world.
And as you know I’m good at that.
By the end of the evening it had gone,
almost as quickly as it had come, leaving a lot of mopping and restoring. I
guess we have to expect more of that as time goes by. We have done such crazy things to our planet
and it’s beginning to pay us back.
My own personal inevitable, if not
impending, demise was made more apparent when I got back to Chester. I had been feeling decidedly odd for a few
days. A feeling of being not quite there
(put your hand up if you’re not here and I would have done for real or maybe
not real...) is how I can best describe it, together with a numbness (which has
been growing for a while) in my left centre toes and the pad of that foot and
pins and needles at odd times in arms and legs.
All a bit ominous...
Anyway I got out of bed to try on a new crinoline
which had arrived the day before. That’s
something not every man can say. (More about my new frock design in the next
episode.) I think it was too much for
whatever Master Puppeteer is pulling my strings because He (or maybe She) let
go of all my strings at once and I found myself on the lorry floor, the whole
lorry having done a horizontal somersault.
Whatever divine retribution I was expecting for the first time I had
stepped into a frock for many years, it wasn’t that. I staggered back to bed with the lorry now
spinning to contemplate the new change of circumstance, and that had nothing to
do with the crinoline.
After some thought I called 111 Health
Service’s non-emergency line, explained my symptoms and they said I should see
a doctor within three hours. I made the
appointment and had a range of tests there followed up with blood and ecg the
next day. We will see. The thought of that happening whilst on top
of three chairs is not a happy thought so it needs sorting.
As does my frock. But more of that next time…
All the best from a floor near you,
Mr Alexander